It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
