my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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