Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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