Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
