Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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