So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
