There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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