apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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