would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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