Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
