that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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