just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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