Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize