Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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