Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
