My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
