My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
