Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
