The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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