Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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