I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
