my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got inside last night via doggy door
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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