Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
