Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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