morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I love you. Go after that dick
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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