I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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