I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
