is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
