So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
did i walk over a car last night?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
