I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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