I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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