Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
