Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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