when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
