SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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