Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
