I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
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I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid