Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.