closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail