I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.