Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.