why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.