Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.