i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it's like iHOP with fire
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
