i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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