you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
