did you get engaged???
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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