Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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