can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize