remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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