just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
