Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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