You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
