my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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