i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
