2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
