Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just forgot I was standing up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
