There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
