I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
