yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
