Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
