Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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