When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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