did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
