that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
