I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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