i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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