I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
