the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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